Bridal Mask Speak Khmer Now

Now I speak only in acts.

It did not come to me as salvation. It came as a cough. A blood-fleck on a white glove. My brother’s dying hand pressed a ghost into my palm. And suddenly, the Nihongo I spoke so perfectly turned to ash in my throat. I tried to say “Tasukete” (help). What came out was something older. Something from the rice paddies my father burned.

I am a wound that learned to walk. I am the missing page from the history book. I am the scream that your governor’s son hears just before the lights go out. And when I speak now, I do not speak Japanese. I do not speak the tongue of the occupier. I speak the language of the knife. Bridal Mask Speak Khmer

I hide in the alleys of my own city like a comma in a sentence that refuses to end. The Japanese think I am a ghost. The communists think I am a traitor playing dress-up. My own mother, if she were alive, would not recognize my shadow. Good. Let her not. Because the boy who loved her is buried under a railway bridge, his mouth stuffed with surrender.

Do you know what it feels like to have two tongues? One for the master’s whip. One for the mother’s grave. I am a schizophrenic nation. My left hand signs death warrants in elegant kanji. My right hand carves the same names into a prayer stick. Now I speak only in acts

(Ar kun) – Thank you. “ស្រឡាញ់” (Sralanh) – Love. “សងសឹក” (Sang seuk) – Revenge.

Tonight, I will kill again. A collaborator. A professor who teaches Korean children to hate their own shadows. Afterward, I will leave a single jasmine flower on his chest. Not for him. For the soil. For the proof that something soft can still grow from something rotten. A blood-fleck on a white glove

That is my real name. That is the Bridal Mask’s only truth.