The first result was a dead link on a defunct Indonesian blog. The second was a shadow library with a broken preview. But the third… the third was a PDF cached on an old diet forum, last active in 2018. I clicked.
"I downloaded Yulia’s PDF years ago. I thought it was just a diet book. I followed it for 2 weeks. Lost weight. But then I read her notes. And I realized: she was writing to me. Not to teach me how to shrink. To warn me. So I stopped dieting. I started eating. I gained weight. My husband left me. But I am alive. Yulia isn't. So now, every time I cook, I leave an extra plate out. For her. For the girl who never got to taste her own freedom."
I stopped scrolling.
The file was 43 pages. Poorly scanned. The cover was a faded photo of a woman with kind eyes and sharp collarbones. Her name: Yulia Baltschun. The title: Resep Diet Sehat 30 Hari (30 Days of Healthy Diet Recipes).
I just tasted.
"Day 23. I found his chat with her. She is curvy. She eats pasta. He sends her heart emojis. I have been eating air and tears for three weeks. It was never about my body. It was always about his inability to love. But I still can't stop."
Page 31:
"Day 16. I fainted at the grocery store. The cashier gave me a candy bar. I ate it in the parking lot like a criminal. Then I made myself throw up in the bushes. When I got home, R. asked if I bought the chicken breast. I said yes. I lied."