Camp With Mom And My Annoying Friend Who Wants ... Official

“I was optimizing its gill function,” he muttered.

That smile should have been a warning. My mom’s smile when she’s being polite is the same smile she wears when she’s already calculated your odds of failure and decided to let nature be the teacher. I, however, was not smiling. I was already exhausted. The drive to Lake Winoka is two hours of winding roads and cell service dead zones, and Max spent every mile “fixing” our playlist, our snack distribution, and even our route. Camp With Mom And My Annoying Friend Who Wants ...

The trouble began before we even left the driveway. My mom, a former Girl Scout leader, had packed lightly: one duffel bag, a cooler with pre-made sandwich ingredients, and a sixty-year-old canvas tent that smelled pleasantly of campfire smoke and nostalgia. Max arrived with what looked like a REI showroom on his back. He had a portable espresso maker, a “tactical” flashlight the size of a baseball bat, a satellite messenger (we were two hours from a gas station, not the Arctic), and a laminated checklist he waved like a flag of superiority. “I was optimizing its gill function,” he muttered

The next morning, my mom suggested fishing. She had two simple hand lines—just hooks, weights, and line wrapped on notched sticks. She baited her hook with a piece of bread and cast it into a quiet pool. Within five minutes, she pulled out a small but respectable bluegill. I, however, was not smiling

We broke camp the next morning under a clear blue sky. My mom’s old canvas tent packed up in three minutes. Max’s ultralight tent took forty-five and still didn’t fit back in its sack. He didn’t offer any “tips.” He just struggled quietly, and when I handed him a spare bungee cord to strap the lumpy bag to his pack, he said, “Thanks,” without adding a critique of the cord’s tensile strength.

“But also, you’re on a slight incline. Your head will be lower than your feet. That’s bad for circulation.”

“I’ve been sleeping on inclines since before you were born,” she replied, hammering a stake with a rock.