He Who Must Not Be Named? More like He Who Must Not Get a Blue Tick. Bro has no nose, 0 empathy, and a Horcrux collection that screams “I’m not like other dark lords.”
Diagon Alley is giving main character energy. Harry goes from wearing Dudley’s trash fits (so not it) to custom robes. Wand chooses him – obvi, that’s demure, mindful, very cutesy.
Draco: “My father will hear about this.” Harry, internally: “Okay?? And I’ll post the receipts.” Harry Potter-gen Z Version Pdf
Harry – main character syndrome (derogatory? endearing? both). He has 0 rizz with Cho Chang but could defeat Voldemort at 11. Priorities? None.
So like, Vernon and Petunia Dursley are total NPCs. Major pick-me energy, but like… the worst kind? They literally gatekeep oxygen from Harry. Gaslight him about his parents (RIP James & Lily – icons, btw). Gatekeep his mail. He Who Must Not Be Named
Hermione Granger – she’s not bossy, she just has ✨correct opinions✨. Definitely runs a studyblr. Would cancel you for saying “could of” instead of “could’ve.”
unofficial. unhinged. uncensored. not sponsored by J.K. (she’s cancelled, bestie) Harry goes from wearing Dudley’s trash fits (so
Then out of nowhere, Hagrid (an absolute green flag, chaotic good, would die for him) pulls up like: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”
Hogwarts is literally a dark academia dream. But let’s be real – the safety protocols? A joke. Stairs move randomly. A three-headed dog just… chills in the corridor. The Forbidden Forest is RIGHT THERE.