Rain 18 Page

"No," I shouted back.

The rain hit my face. It was cold. It was loud. And for just a moment, I was eighteen again. I didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow. I didn't have a plan. I was just a collection of atoms, enjoying a storm.

It isn't the soft, forgiving drizzle of childhood that sends you running indoors for hot chocolate. Nor is it the desperate, apocalyptic downpour of your late twenties, when a flood in your basement apartment means a $2,000 deductible and a fight with your landlord. No, Rain 18 is different. It is the theatrical, romantic, devastatingly loud rain of transition.

I never saw her again. But I think about her every time it storms. Rain 18 doesn't last forever. Eventually, the clouds break. The sun comes out, cruel and bright. You go home. You take a hot shower. You dry off. And something has shifted. Rain 18

At eighteen, you are still porous. You haven't yet built the calluses of adulthood. When the rain hits your skin at that age, it doesn't just get you wet; it gets into you. It becomes a character in your story. It was the rain that ruined your first road trip. It was the rain that soaked through your graduation gown, making the cheap polyester stick to your arms like a second skin. It was the rain that fell the night you said goodbye to your best friend, knowing you would never really be kids again.

After that night, I stopped worrying about ambition. I stopped worrying about the "right" path. I realized that eighteen is not the beginning of your life—it is the end of your prologue. The rain washed away the false scaffolding of high school hierarchies, the anxiety of college applications, the desperate need to be impressive.

"That's the best reason I've ever heard," she said. "No," I shouted back

"Then why are you sitting in the rain?"

— For the girl in the yellow raincoat, wherever you are.

The rain at 18 gives you permission to be dramatic. To sit on a wet curb for an hour. To let a stranger sit next to you. To laugh without knowing why. I am writing this from a dry apartment. I am 28 now. I have ambition (too much, actually). I have a job that pays the bills and a plant that is somehow still alive. I have calluses. It was loud

We sat there for an hour. We didn't exchange numbers. We didn't kiss. We just watched the water rise. She told me she was moving to Portland in the morning. I told her I was staying here, even though I didn't know where "here" was. When the rain finally slowed to a whisper, she stood up, brushed off her wet jeans, and walked away without saying goodbye.

I turned off my computer. I walked outside. I sat on the curb in front of my building—a different curb, in a different city, in a different life. A neighbor yelled, "Hey, you're going to get wet!"

There is a specific kind of rain that only falls when you are eighteen.