Weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch -

She pulled her wimple aside to reveal a Bluetooth earpiece. “I’m a life coach. The habit is for ‘thematic consistency.’”

“And the avocado?”

I took a deep breath. “What’s stage five?”

“Uh… ‘creativity’?”

The hamster rolled into my foot. I looked down. It stared up at me with tiny, ancient eyes, and in that moment, I understood nothing and everything.

I sat. The cushion immediately let out a long, wet fart sound. The woman in the bathrobe made a checkmark on her clipboard.

I looked around. This was insane. I should leave. I stood up. weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch

“Password?”

“Stage four: Depression,” the trio said in unison.

The hamster, currently rolling in its ball near the meatball sub, squeaked. She pulled her wimple aside to reveal a Bluetooth earpiece

“The producer will see you now.”

I sat back down. Not because I wanted to. Because my body had entered a state of shock.

Gerald shrugged. “Someone had to be the avocado.” “What’s stage five

The bathrobe woman smiled for the first time. “Acceptance. Then stage six is ‘convincing the hamster to rate your performance on a scale of one to wheel.’ Stage seven is when you eat the meatball sub without asking whose it was.”